Hi everybody!

Bill gives tips about how to have an active sex life after almost 50 years of marriage.

- DOWNLOAD this podcast (m4v file format, 55.5 MB)
- Subscribe to this video podcast via iTUNES
- LISTEN to the audio version of this podcast (mp3 file, 5.5 MB)
- Subscribe the audio version of this podcast via iTUNES*

I had heard it said many times before at other workshops I’ve attended, that the new people attending are the “lifeblood” of Transformation. This time, it became a very real experience for me to hear that. Like all of us at one time, they never knew this possibility existed for them and are intrigued and excited by it. They remind us of how rare it is to discover living in the moment and how we each make a huge difference. Those of us who regularly attend Monday night seminars and workshops “live” transformation as a lifestyle. The new people we invite are the fresh air, spark and fire that keeps it going and reignites the excitement of discovery.

Since the Workshop, I’ve been finding myself frustrated by the lack of new faces at Monday Night Alive! I’ve been sharing my experiences with people and inviting them to the workshops whenever I can. And they’ve been showing up!

I’d like to encourage, even challenge us all to look and see where there are people seeking something in their lives and want to be found. I can’t imagine what this community would be without all the amazing, new people who’ve begun attending workshops this year. I’m inspired to believe that if each of us invites a few more people every week, we can easily have over 100 attendees at Monday nights and on weekends. It’s absolutely within our capability; it can be easy and feed us all. It’s time to look and see what is possible and how many people we can reach.

I thought it would be useful to share my thoughts on “reaching out.” Hopefully it will open you ideas and how you can offer creative suggestions for us to play this game together.

I have five confirmed guests coming this upcoming Monday Night Alive. Even if some may not show up, I’m continuing to invite more people. Today, I invited my chiropractor (who had heard of Ariel and Shya!), the nurse at my doctor’s appointment and I left stack of postcards at the Starbucks near my work. I’ve invited almost every person at my company (including new employees as they show up) and my co-worker Matthew is coming back a second time this Monday and trying to make it to the weekend. I’ve been inviting him for 5 months. I invited my friend on a first date and she loved it and is considering the The Freedom to Breathe and The Art of Being a Healer weekend workshop. If she can’t attend, I’ll encourage her to do the Passion weekend in January. I’ve invited the lady who works two floors above my office at work every time I see her in the elevator. Last week I invited my piano teacher, who checked out the website and the audios. I even offered to reschedule my appointment and give up the last 15 minutes so that we could walk over to Monday Night Alive! together.

Whether in casual conversation with strangers or talking with someone I know, I love to start off a sentence at any point in the conversation with, “Hey, I’m going to a workshop on Monday Night that I think you’d really like. It’s about living in the moment and having more fun and there’s some great people there. You should come!” I get excited when I give Transformation away.

There is a world of chiropractors, nurses, co-workers, and neighbors everywhere who would love to know about this. I’m going to start opening my eyes even wider to find them and make this possibility available. I encourage you to do the same and really go for it to further expand all our lives with amazing people; friends we haven’t met yet.

With Love,
Dave

As the train came to a stop, I told him how beautiful it was to just look into each other’s eyes and he replied, with a big smile, “ciao.” I then left (Actually, I flew!) because suddenly I did not know what to do. When I went up the stairs, I heard a voice behind me: “ciao, buona giornata.” I guess it was him, but I did not turn around- I was so shy about what happened and how much it touched me. This is my diamond of the day.

-Stephanie B.

Beauty Not The Beast

By Holly Shulman

Some time ago I moved to California looking for a change in my life. I noticed that California was ripe with all sorts of New Age options for finding happiness… for transformation. So, I took myself to a Whole Life Expo in the heart of LA, where all the New Age stuff was gathered under one roof. I thought it would be a great way to sample everything and then pick out what I thought could fix me, without getting into anything too weird, of course. There was a brochure listing every offering. Ariel and Shya Kane were pictured in it, along with a blurb about their free lecture and three hour workshop entitled Instantaneous Transformation. In the picture they looked normal. In fact, they looked beautiful in a very natural and down-to-earth way. I don’t remember what the blurb said, but I was hooked by the word Instantaneous. I wanted something instant. I wanted a quick cure for my problem.

I had a successful career, plenty of friends and what looked like a full and busy life. In fact, I told myself that anyone who knew me would think I was doing just great. I’d rarely admit to anything less. My problem was that I was miserable about being fat and boyfriend-less. And I was basically upset about this all of the time. I was convinced that the way I looked was the reason that I couldn’t attract men to be in a relationship with me. I didn’t just suspect this, I knew it. I could prove it. My last relationship was with a man who’d told me so…honestly, painfully and repeatedly, on and off for over 15 years. I thought that maybe these Instantaneous people could quickly uncover why I continued to stay fat even though I hated my fat so much. I figured that once I found out why, I would be able to lose the weight and get what I wanted.

When I got to the workshop I didn’t feel like saying that I was fat and miserable. It was too embarrassing and too revealing. I was worried that people would look at me and agree that yes, I was fat and unappealing. Worst of all, they’d probably feel sorry for me. So I decided I would be clever instead, and ask questions and gather information without really revealing myself. Then, I would apply the information later in the privacy of my own life. What happened at that three hour workshop changed my life.

I asked a question about something another participant had said and in doing so, turned the attention to me. Shya or Ariel observed that my question was confusing because it wasn’t about myself. They suggested that I use an example from my own life, so that they could better answer my question. Deflector shields up, I babbled something to keep my facade intact. But then, out of the blue, Ariel said to me, “You are the only one in this room who doesn’t realize how beautiful you are.” And something in me melted. Then Shya said something else about how attractive I was and how I don’t see it because I think I’m overweight. Then other people in the room started telling me what they saw. Some people said they found me very attractive. In fact, several people did. Some people started saying things specifically about my body…its shape and size. I was stunned and amazed. They actually talked about my body! And they weren’t gagging and they weren’t mincing words and they weren’t lying. I checked. No one was lying.

My mind wanted me to be horrified and resist it all. But what I felt was that I had been walked over to a mirror and for the very first time ever, was not expected to reject what I saw. And I felt happy. I felt instantaneously that there was nothing wrong with me.

The feeling lasted for days, maybe even a week. But I remembered the experience. That stayed with me. Months later I phoned Ariel and Shya and left a message on their machine asking them to add me to their mailing list. I had hoped they would send me a flyer, but that night they called me from Hawaii. They were there conducting a workshop. They called because they were concerned that since they were away for several weeks, I might think my message had been lost or ignored. That kind of thoughtfulness really struck me as something special. Even over the phone, just hearing their voices, I felt instantly connected. There was something about the way these people communicated. They were so genuine and nice and direct in their conversation. They wanted to be reminded of who I was, when and where we’d met. They wanted to picture me, to place my voice. They were actually interested in this phone call. They cared about whom they were talking to.

Now it is several years since that Expo where I Met Ariel and Shya. Since then I have attended many of their workshops. I haven’t lost a pound…but I’ve lost a lot of weight. I don’t drag around the tonnage of self-hate and shame that I did back then. I’m lighter and more fun. I’m nicer to people and I connect more easily. I’m so much clearer about what is true for me that I can hardly fool myself anymore. When I do, there’s usually someone around to point out that I am doing just that. Often it’s someone who I met through Ariel and Shya. I’ve met incredible friends through attending their workshops, here in LA and also in New York. People who I fell in love with – instantaneously. Really.

I even gave myself the gift of attending one of Ariel and Shya’s Winter Retreats which seems to quickly bring to the surface everything you need to see about yourself. Before I went, I was nervous that some of the things I had long considered horrible about myself (and didn’t want others to see) would surface. I was afraid people would find out that I was competitive, nasty, manipulative jealous and worst of all, whiny. Boy was I in for the shock of my life.

Early in the two-week workshop, a very handsome fellow (who I had been attracted to for sometime) singled me out as the most desirable of all the women there. Now I must say that felt really good, especially since there were many beautiful, thin, available women there. The hardest part of being there was to keep surrendering to how wonderful my life had become.

I have discovered that I like me. I am funny, sweet, sensuous and yes, even beautiful. (Although I still find it hard to admit.) Not only that, I feel centered in myself. I have the confidence to communicate what I see. Everything I have ever wanted has started to manifest without my working at it. My wildest dreams have become fulfilled. What will happen between John and me in the future, we don’t know yet. But in this moment, I am having a great time.

Anyway, it has been so much fun to see how I feel with different men. I’m paying attention to clues on who I want to hang out with more. I’m no longer overlooking things that I did not like because I was trying to make the guy fit into a forced role of ‘boyfriend’ right away.

I also magically realized that I had a judgment against men as being mean or inept.. I always secretly thought I was better than my two older brothers and father. I believed that girls did it better and were superior.. and when I realized that the line of thinking that had been running my life was created when I was a 4 year-old and I didn’t judge myself for those thoughts…they just melted away. The three magical principles of transformation made it so easy to look at my thoughts non-judgmentally, and realize I could have not been different.

I know that I have been kinder to all men in general. It is so sweet, I have so many new guy friends and potential dates, it is unbelievable!! I cannot explain it, and I am so grateful to know that I can go about my dating also with excellence as I do every aspect of my life. I am not a failure or incomplete for not having a relationship… This is indeed a magical dating season!! If you want to hear the podcast I recorded with the Kanes, click here and listen to “A Magical Season of Dating” and join me (and many others) for The Art of Relating weekend in June, it’s going to be phenomenal!!

*To listen to other great Instantaneous Transformation podcasts, go to http://transformationmadeeasy.com/podcasts/

During that evening, Milan and I were hanging out at home and he called to me across the apartment, speaking in his own dialogue of made-up language. I responded back to him in made-up language and we had the funniest dialogue, exploding with laughter. I was so amazed, because speaking in a dialogue of made-up language was actually an activity we did at the Passion workshop! I could truly see how tapped into me he was. I could feel how when I took care of myself and went for my life passionately and without reservations, that my son was directly linked discovering his own gifts and passions, too.

Later that night I made a call to a man I had been seeing – or actually not seeing much of – on and off for several months. After the workshop, I realized that I needed to talk to him because something was not right about the situation. It seemed there was more text messaging happening than live interaction. I pretended that some things didn’t bother me about him, but I was always left with subtle incompletions. I told him that we needed to be straight with each other, and that our dating situation wasn’t working for me the way it was. So he came right over to my apartment, and yes, we did get intimate – which is the way things were with us. But this time I think it was to see if it was going to keep us together. Normally, I would leave that part out about us being getting intimate, but that is what I’ve always done – shared some of parts myself and hidden other parts. I’d intentionally be vague in my storytelling so that it would leave people wondering. But thanks to a “slack-jawed moment of enlightenment” – a moment where I just saw what was without judging myself, him and the situation – I suddenly became clear-eyed. I saw that I was so distracted by his physical beauty that I’d forget about all the things that left me wondering about him, which I had been trying to piece together for awhile. When I was present and in the moment, I simply saw that it was not working for me and I that needed to let him go. So I did.

This is where transformation blows my mind. Who would know that by letting him go, that my connection to people, my passion, and productivity at my job would thrive! By the way, I work as a literacy/social studies coach for teachers.

Here are a few examples from work:

* When I prepared the agenda and materials for a workshop, one of the worksheets required setting up charts/tables. In the past , I alloted the entire evening to complete it – no joke. I completed the charts in 10 minutes!

* My supervisor announced that my picture was all over the school she visited and said that it really showed how involved I was working with students and it impressed the principal.

* Yesterday I was at the District Office and was suddenly invited to speak to the workshop with 50 participants and share my experiences working on a Virtual UN Social Studies project, which I facilitate.

* Today I was at a literacy workshop and the facilitator invited me up to co-present with him.

* I changed the clock on my computer this week, which has been 13 minutes slow for a very long time.

And actually, everything was slow in my life when I was not clear with myself and honest about what I wanted.

-Jodi A.

At this past week’s Monday Night Alive, a successful young actor in the group began to speak about how when he gets a new acting job, he “puts his foot on the brake” in order to balance his life out. And if I remember correctly, sort of as a reward to relax for having gotten a solid job. Ariel & Shya told him how that’s the point in time when he should be putting his “foot on the gas” and not on the brake. He should line-up a new job for after his run of shows. The Kanes then asked “how good are you willing to let it get?” Meaning how successful will you allow yourself to be, without dimming yourself down to fit in with others? To allow yourself to shine brightly, regardless of those who might try to bring you down, because they are jealous, competing, or afraid that you will leave them behind. This is why a support system of those who can be honest with you about how you are being, and are there to really support you when others might aid you in diminishing in your greatness, though they don’t do it intentionally. I love the phrase “you can’t do it alone.” Boy, how I do wish I that I could do it all on my own. I naturally want to be independent and do it all by myself. Thing is that is a lonely way to live I’m finding. It’s easier and more fulfilling to allow myself to be supported, and to support others. It makes things feel effortless.

I find for myself that I’m busier than ever but life is taking on this zen-like quality…work is very busy with many projects, I’m taking voice and acting classes, getting my songs up to speed to perform, writing this blog and managing a group Transformation blog, I’m revamping my apartment with new furniture and paint, and my social and dating life is as active as ever. In the past, I would have reasoned-out that I need time to relax, and balance-out my activity. But now that I’ve been learning from Transformation that once you start going for your life, you can’t stop. I mean you can, but you’ll lose momentum. You have to use that momentum to keep going and going more! I remember my uncle once saying that “the idea of balance is bullshit” I can agree in most cases. We think we are capable of doing of only doing so much, so we relax. We also might do things like get wasted, do drugs, and hang around people who aren’t supportive to dim ourselves down. It’s a concept that didn’t make sense to me at first, but now I can really feel it. I’m finding that once I leap, I have to keep leaping, to stay on the edge of my life and really keep going for it.

So lately I’ve been noticing that when I accomplish a lot at work, at home or with songwriting I naturally will start to feel as if I need time to “chill out, relax and balance things out”. But I am seeing that this is a form of putting my foot on the brake. Instead of resisting the feeling of wanting to slow down I see it as a signal. It’s a signal that now’s the time to put my foot on the gas; to complete my work project with greatness; to revamp my apartment with new paint, furniture and a new arrangement; to finish a set of songs so I can start playing out as soon as I can.

It’s important to note that I’m not making a rule about balance or always going for it. At times it very well may be important to relax and tend to balance. But with me in the last month, I can intuitively feel that the foot must go on the gas, that I must keep going for my life. Didn’t you know that your time is short here? Easy to forget especially if we’re lost in the drama of our own lives, stories in our minds about what we can and can’t do, and not being present to what’s happening right in front of us and what we are doing. Yoda from Star Wars has said it so well: “All his life has he looked away… to the future, to the horizon. Never his mind on where he was. Hmm? What he was doing.”

So where is your attention right now? On yourself, on the future, or on the present and on what you are doing? I ask myself that all the time when I find myself drifting away, into fantasyland.

Until Transformation, I had always heard about the concept of people dimming down their own success, but it was just a set of words. And I certainly didn’t see how I could dim myself down to hinder success. I’m just starting to see this latter point. After all I was brought up with the phrase “moderation in all things.” Which isn’t a bad phrase and isn’t wrong by any means, some things I may need to moderate. It’s just that it has its limits if I live by it as a rule in any situation.

So go for it, keep going, don’t stop. Life only gets more magical when you live this way.