Upsets and the little “beep” – from Uli in Cologne, Germany
Monday, July 26th, 2010
Dear friends,
I had noooooo idea…..about the degree to which my upsets where running my life. Not the least idea. I came back from this wonderful workshop in Cambridge with Ariel and Shya and of course I had realized that “something” had happened. I hoped for “something” to be different after my return, but I would never ever have expected such a profound difference.
I came home on Sunday night and the first thing I realized on Monday morning was the trigger of an upset. It was like a little “beep” inside me, something jumping, but then….nothing. A few moments later the next little “beep”. And the day went on like this. I was flabbergasted by the sheer quantity of little triggers throughout the day. I didn’t count but there were MANY of them. And for the first time I understood what Ariel and Shya mean by “mechanic behavior”!!!! Because it just happens at a trigger, but the trigger is no real reason. I used to get upset about a thousand things that are no “real reasons” or justifications to get upset. It hurt a little to see that I have also “considered” my children to be a cause of upset. This week I’ve actually been able to be with my kids and weather through difficult situations without getting upset. It is actually almost a strange feeling. It feels as if I had been drugged or doped. Tranquilizers or something. It’s so funny because there is even a kind of a little man inside myself (I picture it that way) really furious about me not getting upset. And it’s also sometimes even leaving me a little uncertain. I am in a traffic jam. I don’t get upset. What am I going to do???
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I just wanted to get in touch to say how amazing the past few months have been for me and send you a big big “THANKS” for being such an inspiration. I’ve been offered this brilliant new job which I’m starting in 2 weeks time and also I moved into a lovely new flat with my lovely flatmates.

