Dear friends,

I had noooooo idea…..about the degree to which my upsets where running my life. Not the least idea. I came back from this wonderful workshop in Cambridge with Ariel and Shya and of course I had realized that “something” had happened. I hoped for “something” to be different after my return, but I would never ever have expected such a profound difference.

I came home on Sunday night and the first thing I realized on Monday morning was the trigger of an upset. It was like a little “beep” inside me, something jumping, but then….nothing. A few moments later the next little “beep”. And the day went on like this. I was flabbergasted by the sheer quantity of little triggers throughout the day. I didn’t count but there were MANY of them. And for the first time I understood what Ariel and Shya mean by “mechanic behavior”!!!! Because it just happens at a trigger, but the trigger is no real reason. I used to get upset about a thousand things that are no “real reasons” or justifications to get upset. It hurt a little to see that I have also “considered” my children to be a cause of upset. This week I’ve actually been able to be with my kids and weather through difficult situations without getting upset. It is actually almost a strange feeling. It feels as if I had been drugged or doped. Tranquilizers or something. It’s so funny because there is even a kind of a little man inside myself (I picture it that way) really furious about me not getting upset. And it’s also sometimes even leaving me a little uncertain. I am in a traffic jam. I don’t get upset. What am I going to do??? . (more…)

It all started in Costa Rica. Actually it started just after the completion of the Kanes’ Costa Rican Adventure 2010, which was the best ever, by the way. Although I was inspired and really wanted to go again in 2011, I had hesitated to sign up for Costa Rica next year, because I didn’t want to register without letting my 16-year-old daughter Ayla in on my decision first. This past year, when I had let Ayla know I was going, she had pouted for a week or more because I hadn’t consulted her before committing to go.  I had actually hesitated before telling her because I was afraid she might disapprove!

On the way to my room to get my luggage before heading home, I ran into Ariel and Shya on one of the beautiful covered walkways and we started chatting.  When I outlined my dilemma, they pointed out that what I was actually doing was to ask my daughter for her permission to go to Costa Rica again and that it is I who is the mother who needs to say what’s going on – not vice versa. They said that I was trying to be Ayla’s friend instead of her mother.  It was not long before I discovered how true this really had been.

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