I feel soooo self-expressive and have to share with you what happened to me since the wonderful workshop “The Art of Listening” in Hamburg, Germany in October! I had been really looking forward to it because as a Psychologist, I spend my life listening to other people. Ironically, during the workshop something funny happened; I suddenly saw that it was time to stop hiding by only listening to what other people had to say. It was time to listen to myself!

So I had one of my intimate talks with life and said: “Look, I know that I can be of help to people and would love to do it, so if you see a way of supporting me, now would be a good time…”

I have a strong interest in using a communication method called “Marte Meo”, meaning ‘on one’s strength’. It is something not traditionally used by Psychologists, yet aligns perfectly with the Kanes’ Workshops on ‘Living in the Moment’. It’s something that can be used by parents or anyone working with children. In my “plan”, I sat down and decided to contact all the Pediatricians in Hamburg and introduce myself so they can refer people to me…

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On Saturday, Artur (my husband) and I headed off to visit his family (brother, Celso; sister-in-law, Steph; niece; nephew; and sister, Idilia.) Now, I have a confession to make: I usually dread these visits. I usually fail to implement the brilliant suggestion Ariel & Shya make about doing things as if they were your own idea. Instead, I usually sit in their living room, or in their garden, and make small talk while I count the minutes until we can leave. For, while I love Idilia very much and am very close to her, the rest of the family I have just never connected with at all. I’ve given myself many reasons for this, reasons that mostly allow the responsibility to fall outside of myself! : we’re so different, we have nothing in common, they’re not interested in me, I’m not interested in them, we don’t care about the same things, they’re boring, they just talk small talk, there is no chance to get deeper with them - no chance to make a real connection… So, every time I would go, while holding tightly to my judgments, my heart closed to any other possibility of what it might be like to be with them. Well, the weekend started out with me still like this, and, as we set off to drive south, Artur and I started bickering a bit, and I realised it was because I was resisting the situation and blaming him for it. So I stopped, right then, apologised, and made a commitment to myself to embrace the trip, the people and choose to actually have fun!

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Ever since attending the Time and Project Management course, I find myself looking at my life as though it is a river of opportunities to be a role model, a healing presence and available for everybody around me.

Today, walking down a busy sidewalk, I began to notice something that happened as I passed different ‘types’ of people; men and women of different ages, level of attractiveness, etc…
I discovered that I automatically put on an ‘act’ for each person as they approached. With an attractive woman, I pretended not to be interested. With an older woman, I became exceptionally polite and smiley. As I stood near an older couple, I acted like a little boy. When a good looking man passed, I acted tough and mean, as though I was stronger, smarter, or even better.
I realized that I had been “staging” acts like this for years as a way to protect myself from people seeing who I genuinely am.

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From the moment I signed up for the upcoming Art of Relating, I have already noticed a significant difference in the way in which I relate to the people in my life. So much so that just last week I landed an amazing new teaching job at an incredible new school in Sunset Park, Brooklyn! Between the Time and Project Management course, which I attended a couple of weeks ago and the Art of Relating course for which I have already signed up, I can truly feel the magical effects of transformation in my life. During this time, I had been contemplating leaving my current school and finding another teaching position elsewhere. About two weeks ago, my friend suggested that I come to her school and speak with her principal. I could have had a thousand excuses not to listen to her, but since attending the Kane’s workshops, I have learned the importance of listening, and also trusting my intuition. (more…)

About two weeks ago I had the great opportunity to chat with Ariel and Shya about dating. It was an amazing and eye opening experience… I am not sure what happened but suddenly and miraculously I have so many dates!! I have been scheduling meetings in open air markets, cafes, during my lunch hours, at museums, going to play tennis, cooking… And all the guys have been fun to be with! I somehow discovered how to be with each of them, not thinking if they were “relationship material” while at the same time I stopped putting pressure on myself to find “THE ONE”. Ariel and Shya masterfully hit the nail on the head when they explained that I had been conditioned to be “a good catholic girl” through my culture and I’d been approaching dating as a “mini-marriage” in hopes that the date would turn into a husband. The thought of just enjoying myself while meeting many men was outside of my realm of possibilities…I mean ‘What kind of woman dates many men?.. I am sure you and I came up with the same word..it starts with a W and ends with an E.

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March 3, 2008, Monday morning, 9:00 a.m. I eagerly sit at my new desk in the law library of the Appellate Division, Second Judicial Department, in Brooklyn, New York – often recognized as the busiest appellate court in the nation [1]. For over two years, I worked at the Appellate Division as a Court Attorney, serving the Justices of the Court and supporting them in reaching fair and just decisions. My name was on numerous memoranda of law and confidential reports submitted to the Court. However, until about two months ago, I doubt if any of the 22 Justices would even recognize my face.

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The other day I went to a printer shop on the west side of Manhattan to do a press check for the magazine that I produce and design quarterly, as part of my job as a senior designer for a financial firm. This means that I check that the main color matches the previous issue, that there is no text missing, that the portraits of the managing directors look crisp, and that the typography is legible, among other things before they go ahead and print the full run of 25,000 copies. I was sitting in a comfortable room with a computer where I could surf the web whilst waiting for the press sheets to come out, so I could approve the colors and get back to my office when done.

At some point, I heard a bunch of young people coming into the room. Usually it is very quiet with only a few press-men and sales representatives walking by. Normally, I would have just continued checking e-mails and minding “my own business” or being shy. But something quite unusual happened, I got curious and I found myself asking someone who seemed to be the teacher leading this group of young students if it was a design class and from which school. He explained they were students from Pratt Institute and he had brought them to learn about the printing process. “What a coincidence” I thought, “I also went to Pratt”… And without much thought I told him that I had graduated from the Communications Design Masters program in 1998 and that now I worked for a financial firm designing their publications… He asked me if I could talk to his students about my professional experience.

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I attended Ariel & Shya’s “Passion: Revitalize Your Life” workshop in January. While I was attending the workshop, my four-year old son, Milan, spent time with his dad over the weekend. When I picked him up from school on the Monday after, he was so completely joyful and confident, having discovered his new abilities: ice skating on a single blade, snapping and whistling. It was so inspiring to see him so full of life and I knew that he was truly connected into the magic that happened during the weekend Passion workshop.

During that evening, Milan and I were hanging out at home and he called to me across the apartment, speaking in his own dialogue of made-up language. I responded back to him in made-up language and we had the funniest dialogue, exploding with laughter. I was so amazed, because speaking in a dialogue of made-up language was actually an activity we did at the Passion workshop! I could truly see how tapped into me he was. I could feel how when I took care of myself and went for my life passionately and without reservations, that my son was directly linked discovering his own gifts and passions, too.

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So my college-aged cousin decided to play an April Fool’s joke on me. I received an instant message from her saying that she had just dropped out of her classes, that she hates them and that she’ll never be a good student. She said that she would tell her parents in the morning that she was just going to work at Rite Aid full-time.

As I felt a flash of anger, I had various thoughts racing through my head:

(1) Shall I play therapist and get her to reconsider her options?
(2) Inquire as to why she dropped out of the classes.
(3) Chastise her.
(4) Give her a lecture on what she would lose out on.

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Ariel & Shya often talk about how transformation happens when you’re really listening to someone else, because that’s when you take your attention off yourself. It gives me such joy whenever I manage to really listen, because suddenly I notice that I’ve stopped listening to my own (usually negative) internal dialogue. As they say, you can’t do two things at once! And, when I’m not listening to my own thoughts, that’s when I’m in the moment. And when I’m in the moment (instead of in my head), then I’m not working on myself, not being judgment or self-critical. It’s when I’m enlightened!

Here’s a little story to illustrate just that:

Last Sunday I was cycling along the river. My husband Artur, and my brother Jack, were cycling behind me and talking. I was ahead, to be alone but in their company. On the water river-boats floated slowly past us, travelling in the opposite direction.

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